My personal memoir about my experiences with childhood sexual abuse is now available on Amazon.com. This book is relatively short, but it took me more than twenty years to write it. It means a great deal to me.
If you or someone you know has been abused, you can also download it for free here.
The summer I turned seven, I was molested by an eighteen-year-old boy. Through much of my adolescence and young adulthood, I did everything I could to convince myself that what had happened to me wasn’t that big of a deal, because many much worse things had happened to many other people. My experience and my pain wasn’t worth bothering about because it had been so mild in comparison. And in any case, I was over it now.
In my junior year of college, I fell into a very deep state of depression stemming from my memories of that summer. I was so low that I even thought about cutting myself or committing suicide, though I always dismissed those desires instantly. Finally, I mentioned to a friend that I was having a rough time, having trouble repressing old trauma. I said that I was molested, “But not severely.”
My friend broke through the shell I had built around myself with three words: “Any is severely.” The truth of that still rings. That night, I finally sought help for the first time.
In the years since then I have done a lot of healing. This book is my attempt to express my story in words, in the hope that it can be of help to someone else who felt or feels like I did, especially in that awful junior year when I struggled as hard as I could to repress my pain. If I can help even one person, I will consider myself blessed.